For most of my life I have ran from my feelings and my own sensitivities. what I mean by running isn’t necessarily a physical manifestation, it can show up in the form of distracting oneself. Distracting oneself with addictions, over working, busy work, exercise, perfectionism, social media, and other outside things to avoid or numb out uncomfortable sensations and experiences. What I have also learned that this is a coping tool for traumas small and large, a way to emotionally be ok. And honestly, it works well, until it doesn’t any longer. Eventually this pain or suffering is asking us to look at it, and love it.
I share this because I know I am not alone in this wanting to distract oneself from self defeating inner dialogue, stressors, disappointments in life, and patterns of pain. This does not make us bad or broken, these experiences makes us human learning to navigate the human condition. Being human is a art and science, and a lifetime of inner work, practice and remembering who we are.
It has taken a lifetime to learn about myself (still learning, always) my patterns and tendencies of wanting to distract from life. For years I used alcohol to numb my inner sufferings. Seeking outside resources to fill that God sized whole within. Getting sober in 2012 was my first step in this wild adventure of awakening and healing. I believe the path of awakening evokes a clearer vision of the things that hold us back from our greatness and potential.
Walking through the things that trouble us, or hold us hostage in our own minds and hearts can feel like a hindrance, however they often are gifts in hindsight. Obstacles are often perceived as annoyances, however they are put on our path to strengthen our resolve and return us to our power within. Things are being revealed to be healed, within that knowing we can find freedom, and come back to our healing through authenticity.
Along my journey of personal and spiritual development I have learned some key lessons that have guided me in becoming “unstuck” and helped me to move forward into healing and happiness.
1.) Be still, slow down and get quiet. This is a tough one! It took me many, many years of inner suffering to learn that the the only way out is through. To this day, I still try the old outdated coping skill of distraction, only to find myself swirling and spiraling in my own self demise. When I choose stillness practices such as meditation, breathing, yoga nidra, journaling, self inquiry or simply lying on the floor- I feel myself begin to heal on a heart and visceral level. I feel myself beginning to integrate and return to my intrinsic wholeness. The shift within feels like balance, peace and serenity. Nothing outside of me fills me up more than these simple, yet profound practices.
2.) Compassion and unconditional love for oneself. This is a practice that I believe is one of the most important and potent ones. Learning to cultivate a loving, kind compassionate relationship with one self, can change the trajectory of our life and the experiences we have with others. Being gentle with ourselves along the way is huge for cultivating compassion, and loving kindness towards oneself and those we hold dearly. Thích Nhất Hạnh quotes: “When the baby is crying, the mother picks up the baby and she holds the baby tenderly in her arms. Your pain, your anxiety is your baby. You have to take care of it. You have to go back to yourself, to recognise the suffering in you, embrace the suffering, and you get a relief.”
3.) Surrender. Resistance to reality is futile! One of my favorites spiritual teachers Stephen Cope quotes, “Through practice, I’ve come to see that the deepest source of my misery is not wanting things to be the way they are. Not wanting myself to be the way I am. Not wanting the world to be the way it is. Not wanting others to be the way they are. Whenever I’m suffering, I find this war with reality to be at the heart of the problem.”
Being true to ourselves, aligning with “what is”, can transform the way we interact with our world. By not embracing what is, we are fighting, resisting and communicating to the universal intelligence that we don’t trust life and we know better.
I try to remind myself during times of anxiety and self doubt, “I do not know the big picture.” But if I believe, like I believe that all works out is for the greater good for all involved, I can relax deeper and find peace and trust in the mystery.
Surrendering to a power greater than ourselves is not giving up, In fact it is the strongest thing we can do. By surrendering, we are trusting in this power to help guide and care for us.
By surrendering, we are getting out of our own way in which expands our perspectives and encourages peaceful solutions to our problems.
Learning to acknowledge when we are distracting ourselves from our pain and uncomfortable emotions is a practice. To hold ourselves with care, patience and kindness as we move through challenging situations within ourselves is a life long practice of mindfulness and loving acceptance to what is. We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are. Ghandi most famously quotes, “be the change you wish to see.”
Our growth and expansion as beings is one of the greatest services we can do for humanity.
We all have the power within, to heal, grow and thrive. Be still, take a deep breath and know that no matter what, you are loved, and are right where you are supposed to be. 💜
