I have been feeling myself changing and growing a lot lately. All this transformational stuff can feel heavy and daunting at times. The last couple months I have been working closely with a naturopath, doing some clean up work, so to speak from my cancer journey.
Even though I finished treatments almost 3 years ago, there has been some mental and physical side effects still lingering. A few examples are a weakened immune function- the susceptibility towards colds and minor infections. Hormone imbalance; chemotherapy does quite a number on the reproductive system. And basically the whole experience was deeply moving and traumatizing to me, been dealing with on and off anxiety, depression and PTSD over the years, and stronger lately.
Bringing all these things back to balance with herbs, supplements, homeopathy, and nutrition has been a bit of a roller coaster. Especially the detox part and the hormone balance piece. Hormones run the show in the body, when those guys are out of wack- adding “more” in, even naturally can be a tough act trying to find that delicate balance.
I have been trying to heal myself for over 3 years. As I wrote in my last post, there is a dark side of healing. It’s easy to get caught up in it all, and I want to heal yes! But also live life in a joyful way. Sometimes I feel like all the hard work I put into healing sucks the fun and joy out of things. Part of healing is laughing and enjoying the process too.
This weekend I took a short solo trip to San Francisco CA. My best friend of 22 years lives in the heart of the city, and has for 20 years. I had some business stuff to take care of, I also wanted this trip to pull me out of the healing rut I was in and gain some new perspective.
Practicing Yoga together, chatting about life, getting mani/pedis, eating amazing food, taking photographs and laughing a lot has already helped my anxiety a ton. I was feeling so tense from all the hormone shifts in my body, playing and laughing has helped me to relax some. It’s been joyful and amazing.
I still have one more full day in the city, and for SF is suppose to be a beautiful one. Sunny and 60’s: a classic Indian summer in late October. My hope today is to step back, and keep and even gain some perspective.
Healing is a lot of work, but it can be fun too, an adventure. Healing has many ups and downs. Times when I feel like I have it all figured out, times when I feel broken and suffering. I’m somewhere in the middle right now, it’s a continuation of these two sides, the pendulum swings- always trying to seek the middle.
Healing, growing, learning things about the world and myself along the way. The truth is I have come so far from where I once was, and now there is more places to go. The next chapter is emerging. I’m gonna keep going, and find some joy along the way.