The Yoga is inside You.

Lately I’ve been struggling. Like a square peg in a round hole. Trying to find where I belong amongst this new life of many gifts and challenges. I’ve lost my sense of humor, and a little bit of myself through all this “trying”, “exploring”, do do doing, instead of just freaking BEING.

I know we, meaning myself too, see Yoga often through the lens of physical postures. How much do we need to push, drive to grow, to overcome the obstacle of life and ourselves. When can we give ourselves permission to experience the beauty of mindfulness, through stillness.
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Integration is Yoga. 
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At what point does the stillness occur? At what point do we say with the wisdom of surrender “Yup, I’m exhausted, that’s ok- I’m human… and there is healing, wisdom and transformation within the stillness of being as we are.”
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When do we stop pushing to BECOME anything more? Trying to hoard knowledge, and poses and more information.. Where is the mindfulness and presence within the journey of Yoga? 
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I believe ultimately Yoga is meant for healing, transformation and elevation of ones consciousness. That path is unique to each student whom choose to walk this razor thin path of awakening. 
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The last month I hit a wall, or in recovery we might say a rock bottom of sorts. It was a culmination of many things, some of it self perpetuated through expectations and hopes, some external causes too, health challenges. Like anything, a balance of inner and outer situational learning. A enough to stop me in my tracks though, calling me to process and re-evaluate some things.
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I’ve been questioning “what is yoga?” I heard a young gal from India in one of my teacher trainings say, while crying a bit, “what is up with the yoga in the West? My grandmother practiced Bhakti yoga (the path of love and devotion) her whole life, and I never saw her once do a yoga pose.”
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Sometimes I feel like we do the yoga, then leave it on the mat. Go on through the rest of our day forgetting the practice. I believe Yoga is a state of BEING, not a state of doing. 
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There is old school literature that backs this up. Some of it is also through years, over a decade of personal inquiry, study and practice. This first sutra “chitta vritthi nirodha.” Yoga is quieting the fluctuations of the mind. 
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So I question, “what is Yoga really?” A lot of it is not what I thought it was, and maybe it’s not even a concept or a thing at all. 
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The Yoga is inside US.
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It’s a practice of remembering who we are, truly and purely.. I’ve learned a lot of what Yoga is not. 
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I believe this practice is so simple. It involves a lot of surrender, humility, being open to Grace and our understanding of God to light the way to our personal transformation.
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Within the quietude of our being, we find our way hOMe.

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